Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Amalgam Comics: Speed Demon

Sometimes I want to take a break from the hustle and bustle of modern living and transport myself to a simpler time, when human proportions didn't matter and editorial decisions made little to no sense. Of course, what I mean is the 90's. It seems every day I find something else that completely astonishes me by the fact it was made at all. You remember Spider-Boy? That was the tip of the iceberg. Today we enter the fel world of...

Comic Review: Speed Demon

Holy shit. That looks amazing. It looks like Ghost Rider mixed with the Flash. But he's got a weird demon skull instead of a normal human skull? I'm sure it'll make sense, these comics were known for their concise and easily digestible stories.

Oh wait... they were the opposite of that. So what's happening here is Uatu the Guardian is going to kill Hal Jordan and-- Okay, it really doesn't matter. What matters is who shows up next.

Listen, I don't even care about anything else, this guy is fucking METAL. Anyway, that whole scene goes nowhere because Speed Demon incinerates everyone with his fire breath. While... rhyming.

...He's still metal as shit.

From there we go to Wally West, nephew of Blaze Allen, at the circus where Blaze apparently works. All the circus folk try to warn Wally that his uncle is an unstable crackpot trespassing in the domain no man was meant to tread. Wally just says, "Nah, whatev's" and goes to his uncle's spooky trailer. Wally quickly finds out Blaze is actually Speed Demon, becoming such by making a pact with the eternal demon Etrigan to find the stolen soul of his late wife. I'd put some panels in here, but I had a hard enough time parsing through them without picking out the ones that make sense. Long story short: The Night Spectre is collecting souls, Speed Demon wants to stop him, or something.

As it turns out the next soul is Green Goblin, who is... Harvey Osborne? This quickly turns into a fight between Speed Demon and Night Spectre, who for some reason has Red Arrow as a minion.

Speed Demon is immobilized! Will this turn the tides of battle?!

...I guess not.

So Spectre captures Green Goblin and brings him to his extradimensional hell realm of infinite despair.

Metal bands, I'm just saying, they pretty much wrote the lyrics for you already.

So Blaze and Etrigan are separated, and Spectre gets the drop on them. I hope some hardcore miracle comes out of nowhere!

Nevermind, I want THAT airbrushed on my van.

Turns out Wally was worried about Blaze, so he called up Merlin and ordered a demon-bonding, post-haste. Once he shows up he burns Spectre to a crisp. Huh. That easy? Okay then. After freeing the trapped souls, they ride triumphantly into the night. Metal screaming.

So it seems like everything is wrapped up in a nice little chainmail bow. Or is it?

Oooh Night Spectre, you stinker!

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