Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse is one of the best movies I have ever seen. It's like it was made just for me. I'm finding it difficult to name something I didn't completely enjoy from this film. I'm serious, it blows every other Spider-Man film out of the water.

The film stars Miles Morales, pretty much as you know him, who gets bitten by a radioactive spider (or at least, it might be radioactive) and stumbles onto a multiverse portal project created by the Kingpin. What he also sees is Spider-Man get killed while trying to shut it down. Out of nowhere he meets what seems to be Spider-Man back from the dead, but is in fact a Peter Parker from one of these parallel universes, who just so happens to have a much worse time of it than the Spider-Man Miles is familiar with. From there we meet Spider-Woman (Spider-Gwen), Spider-Man Noir, Spider-Ham, and Peni Parker with her robot SP//dr. They go out to shut down Kingpin's experiment while Miles learns how to be the Spider-Man he has to be.

Visually, it's a feast for the eyes. It borrows comic book aesthetics and certain tropes, like narration boxes for internal monologues and onomatopoeia hanging in midair. It's one of the most inventive and interesting looking animated films I've seen in the last decade. It doesn't just try to copy panel structures without bothering to figure out what makes them work, (like some other directors coughSnydercough) it takes just enough to feel like reading your favorite comic but transforms it into something entirely new. The various Spider-People all look unique and fit their respective universes without being out of place with their fellows. Spider-Ham is Warner Bros. cartoony, Noir is eternally in black and white, but when they stand together it just works. The finale is an amazing spectacle, as they tend to do in these superhero films, but not once did I have trouble distinguishing the action or get bored from just too much stuff.

The writing is phenomenal. None of the Spider-Men is a one-for-one recreation of a Spider-Man you may know and love (save for maybe Spider-Gwen) but it doesn't matter. Phil Lord and Christopher Miller just get it. Sometimes it seemed like other filmmakers didn't get Spider-Man the same way I do, but these guys? They do. I can't stress this enough, when they look at Spider-Man they understand everything I think of and what makes the character so important to me. The main Peter Parker of the film, played by Jake Johnson, is washed up, depressed, divorced, fat, not financially solvent, and yet he's still a perfect Spider-Man. All the retcons in the world can't net you the true feeling of an authentic human Spider-Man. It's the polar opposite of Dan Slott's CEO Spider-Man, and gets right everything that portrayal got wrong. He doesn't have to be a super-smart successful owner of a Fortune 500 company, he just needs one trait. When Spider-Man is knocked down, he always gets back up.

Our main character, however, is Miles Morales, and I am so glad they went with him. For one, it's his first appearance in a film, so we don't have to see yet another Peter Parker origin story. He's a perfect newcomer, a breath of fresh air, so when other Peter Parkers show up, it's someone who knows about Spider-Man the same way the audience does. Finally we get an origin movie that is more than just an origin story. They don't just set Miles up so he can possibly do more interesting things later, this story is interesting and thrilling and new and also just so happens to contain an origin story as well. It doesn't contain some nobody uninteresting villain just because you have to have one of those in a superhero movie. It's everything I found wanting in every Marvel movie made so far. I can't believe the same company that made the goddamn Emoji Movie made this.

The film is peppered with little easter eggs and references to Spider-Man lore, so much that I'd have to watch the movie a few more times to get even half of them. (Don't worry, I absolutely will.) And what's so refreshing is that you don't need to know all of these trivial facts to enjoy the film, and they aren't the sole reason it was made. (Solo anyone?) It's genuine care and, dare I say it, love for the character, for his legacy and for all the cool ideas associated with him.

I was afraid, going in, that this would copy Dan Slott's Spider-Verse series in the comics, with some weird group of Spider-Man eating vampires and then they all just kinda show up to fight them and it doesn't make a lot of sense. Thankfully, they just took the base idea and the title. It's more akin to the finale of the Spider-Man Animated Series from the 90's where he meets a bunch of alternate selves. Just without Madame Web, THANK GOD. Comic-wise, it's a lot like Bendis' Spider-Men series, where Miles meets a more experienced adult Spider-Man and you get some real growth between the two. Truth be told it doesn't directly adapt any comic, which I'm thankful for, since a lot of times all you can do it draw comparisons between the two, which waters down the adapted work.

If I had to nitpick SOMETHING (and let's face it, I do.) it's really just one thing. Spider-Man Noir and Peni Parker don't get a lot of development in the movie, with Noir there mostly for jokes about Film Noir and whatnot. I get why they did that, giving each of these characters a full arc would've ruined the pacing, especially since we get so much character from our other Spider-People. In a way, it's actually a positive. It left me wanting more, I would love to see the Spider-Crew travel to the Noir of SP//dr Universes in a sequel.

Obviously I'm incredibly biased, seeing as half the point of this website is to talk about Spider-Man even when (ESPECIALLY when) nobody is even reading, but this movie is a 10/10. 100%. A slam dunk. Criterion collection. A masterpiece. I wish I could marry this movie. If I only had one piece of media to watch for the rest of my life, it would be this film. If you like Spider-Man AT ALL, I highly suggest you watch this movie. Even if you don't like Spider-Man. If life is a hopeless barren waste where all you can see is disappointment and regret, I recommend this film. And I hope to god they make a sequel, and put Lord and Miller in charge again. I would follow those men to the ends of the Earth.



Wait it didn't have the Spider-Signal in it, certified rotten, F grade, it's trash.

Sympathy for Raquelle

I've been watching a show called Barbie: Life in the Dreamhouse lately. And you could say I've thought a little about it. In the same way that Newton thought a little about Calculus. It's a show about Barbie, living but also still a doll, with her family and friends, where every incarnation of the Barbie doll is canon.

The closest this show has to an antagonist is Barbie's frenemy, Raquelle. She, like every other character, seems to be fabulously wealthy with supermodel good looks. And yet, she's always trying to steal Barbie's spotlight (or boyfriend). Why? Isn't a life free of labor enough for her?

Let's begin by examining the object of Raquelle's ire, the very doll herself, Barbie. Barbie has had over 126 careers over her lifetime, and not because she gets fired a lot, she just gets bored. Nothing seems beyond the scope of her purview. Supermodel, racecar driver, even astronaut are just things Barbie did before she got tired of them. She has a network of devoted friends, a brand of clothing shops, impeccable judgement, loving sisters, and apparently the best boyfriend ever created. Despite being filthy rich and talented, Barbie retains her gracious nature, always willing to help a friend (or frenemy) in need. Barbie is the Übermensch, surpassing the limits of human development, never even deigning to seek reprisal for wrongs done against her. The next stage of humanity, a paragon of valor, ingenuity, and fashion.

Let me ask you something: How do you compete with the Übermensch? The short answer is: You can't. The rest of Barbie's friends are content being her cronies, ready at her whim to shower her with praise or bask in her glory. All except Raquelle. She's not content with her station in life. She wants more, she needs to surpass everyone's favorite polymath. But that's impossible. Barbie is perfect in every way (except for baking) and Raquelle has few, if any, skills. During Barbie's brief absence due to super fashion heroics, Raquelle was left to fill the void, but failed in every aspect. She can't act, be a runway model, or even advertise perfume.

The only time Raquelle seemed to prevail over Barbie was when Barbie let her. Having a bad hair day, Barbie decided to let Raquelle win for once, but her ever-adoring fandom refused to recognize Raquelle until Barbie faked a compliment. Barbie can't lose, the most Raquelle can hope for is a consolation prize. For poor Raquelle, this isn't close to a fair fight. Barbie's the dealer, and Raquelle knows the house always wins.

If only achievement were enough for Raquelle. When she found her way into an alternate dimension with a dull, self-deprecating Barbie, Raquelle quickly made her way to the top. A profitable boutique, zealous fans, the works. But it wasn't enough. Without the real Barbie to triumph over, it was all for naught. Raquelle doesn't want to be Barbie, she needs to beat Barbie.

So what recourse does she have? Raquelle can't submit herself to the will of Barbie, to her mass of weak-willed sycophants. She's unable to even enjoy simple companionship, Barbie's boyfriend Ken being really the only guy in town apart from Raquelle's brother, Ryan. Thus, bitterness. Scheming. Trying to find the one chink in Barbie's armor, the only specialization the queen has overlooked.

Can you blame her? She has her eyes set on stardom, but is destined for mediocrity. Nothing she tries ever succeeds, so she's stuck, mired in Barbie's gargantuan shadow. She seems full of herself, but it's just a front, a facade to convince herself life is still worth living. She's tired, and angry, and alone. All she wants is someone to acknowledge her existence, to stop looking in a mirror to prove she's real. She can't escape Barbie any more than she can escape her own inadequacy.

We may hate Raquelle. We may scorn and ridicule her. But what she represents is a fundamental part of the human experience. Through her spite and envy, she's the most human character in Malibu. She has foibles, tribulations, and nearly every single one of her enterprises ends in abject failure. Her far-fetched dreams remain unfulfilled, until all that is left is a sneering cynic who only longs for some attention. When we watch Raquelle, who's really looking into a mirror?

Let's Watch The Pirate Fairy

Guys, I'm gonna be honest, I never thought I'd be doing this. I've been working in a store recently, and in that store, there's a display TV that constantly plays whatever new kids movie came out on DVD. During Christmastime, I had to suffer through tiny clips of The Croods whenever I walked by that aisle, and I constantly got distracted by Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs 2, so much so that I eventually watched it. There's something odd about catching random snippets of movies through an 8-hour workday, even moreso if that extends for weeks. Last month, we got some fairy movie, which annoyed me because I thought it would be annoying background noise to stocking shelves or whatnot. As the movie went on, there were a lot of times I had to stop while glancing past the TV, and say something like, "Wait, is that Tinkerbell?" or "Wait, is that Captain Hook?!" So now, I have to watch this movie. You might think I'm crazy, but I need to know what the hell this has to do with Peter Pan Lore. We all know how well my last liveblog went, so let's do that again! This is a great idea! Wait, no it isn--

Let's Watch: The Pirate Fairy

Spider-Man: The Lost Years Part 1

I know I'm pretty negative a lot of the time here, "this comic is bad," "this movie made me sad," and whatnot. This time, I'm just going to talk about something I probably shouldn't like, but I love it anyway. It's the most 90's thing you will ever read in your life, it's:

Comic Review: Spider-Man The Lost Years

Back in the good ol' days, we didn't have none of this Superior crap. When the writers wanted to replace Spider-Man, they just came up with a convoluted and confusing storyline to replace him with a clone, then say the clone wasn't the clone, but then reveal that part was actually a lie, and by the end everyone just heaves a sigh of relief when he dies. Point is, Ben Reilly was a clone of Peter Parker, who ran away from home years ago. He spent a lot of time wandering and being all brooding, and this comic reveals what he was up to.

We start on a crowded highway outside of Salt Lake City. A truck driver passes out from exhaustion, and is about to smash into some people before a mysterious man breaks open the window, pulls him out, and redirects the tractor trailor off the highway. He gives mouth-to-mouth to the unconscious driver, and runs away before anyone can catch him. Who is this enigamtic figure? This guy.

The magnificent spectacle you are now viewing is the most 90's thing in existence. Look at it! He has a mullet, 5 o' clock shadow, and a long duster trailing behind him while he rides his chopper. The fact that it's drawn by John Romita Jr. only amps up the 90's. I would even say this is... radical?

Anyway, we cut to a bar in Salt Lake City, where apparently this is going to take place. There sits another mysterious man. Listen, we're just going to keep getting those. Let's listen to his internal monologue for a bit.

That's Kaine, another clone of Peter Parker, only much more dark and brooding, because he was a failed clone, which means he's stronger and more powerful than Peter. Wait, what? Oh, his face is sort of scarred, okay.

He's been chasing Reilly for a long time, for reasons he doesn't quite understand. He reveals, as will become a regular thing, that Ben Reilly was actually the original, and that Peter is the clone. Of course, this was later proven false by the end of the Clone Saga, so this story only makes sense in that tiny context.

Anyway, he's propositioned by a hooker, and is accosted by her pimp when he declines. Kaine beats the hell out of the pimp, and gives money to the prostitute. Aww, he really is a softy! Of course he does this while contemplating the misery and pain of his life. On the way out he bumps into a woman who asks his name. He replies, "You can call me Kaine." She's evidently there to meet up with some mob types.

We then cut to Kennedy's office at the police station, and her partner, Detective Jacob Raven. He's a damn good cop in a town gone bad. And I love it.

In a jail cell, we see Vincent Tannen, the local crime boss, organizing a hit with the help of a dirty prison guard. We don't get much of that before it's back to Ben, at a job interview for a teaching assistant at some college. Fake credentials and references get him the job, so he celebrates at a local diner. The next panel is best read if you're listening to the Romeo and Juliet Love Theme.

And Ben Reilly instantly falls in love with this redheaded woman for some reason. It's so weird, it's almost like she reminds him of someone else... Anyway, he asks Janine out on a date, and she says yes. That night, Kennedy catches a Tannen underling in a sting, but some goons ambush her, and it's up to one bearded man to save the day. Kaine beats up the goons, and they arrange a late night rendevous. Two other thugs pull Raven into a car, and he's spirited away. At the same time, Reilly happens to be cycling past a house when his Spider-sense goes off, and then the house explodes. He pulls two people out of the wreckage, while lamenting the responsibility that comes with his power.

Kaine has also fallen head over heels for a lady almost instantly after meeting her, and they just had some PG-13 rated relations! Louise gets a call informing her that Raven's house just exploded, and now she is sad.

At the close of the issue, Ben stands on top of a building, pondering whether he really wants to get involved with Salt Lake City's problems. On our next exciting episode: Who will decorate for Kaine and Louise's wedding? When will we find out Janine is also a clone? And can the mullets get any bigger? Find out next time on the W Defender!

Amazing Spider-Man ARG Campaign

Well guys, the ARG-type thing for the new Amazing Spider-Man, called Mark of the Spider-Man, is in high gear. First a site was released, then a twitter, which sent people to coordinates of hidden backpacks full of goodies.

Now each major city has a twitter feed, sending out the locations of different packages, that must be retrieved with a password.  My sister got herself one of the 5 packages in NYC, so let's see what's inside.

First we have the backpack itself, which really doesn't have much to it.

Inside were two Spider-Man hoodies, inside one of which was a secret message, giving further instructions.

And last but not least, a phone, which also seems pretty low key, but it's probably the most important part of them all, because that's how one can get instructions as to the operation at hand.

This whole thing is really exciting, and I'm glad to at least have a spectator seat in the proceedings! I'll update my twitter, to the left over there with any important updates. Keeping you posted, this is the W Defender!

Amazing Spider-Man: New Trailer

Holy shit guys I just saw the newest Amazing Spider-Man trailer.



It looks amazing. And I mean that sincerely. Let's look at it play-by-play.

0:22-0:24; Yes, that is a mechanical webshooter. YES A MECHANICAL WEBSHOOTER!! Things are looking up already.

0:33-0:40; This is probably the brightest spot in the trailer for me. He quips! He actually quips! I mean, there's no evidence that he keeps this up for the rest of the movie, but dammit, I want to believe! That's the only way to keep this movie from being too Grimdark.

After that, we get general clips of his parents and something hidden from him, which looks to me to be Ultimate influenced. Honestly, I'm all for that, as long as it doesn't bog the movie down too much and it's still about Peter. You can see Curt Conners and his transformation into the Lizard, from what looks like Peter's contribution to the formula. This will really help the "Responsibility" theme that's sure to be present, since Peter actually will be, in a sense, responsible.

Then we cut to scenes of cops trying to take down Spider-Man. This, although it might seem like too dark a turn, I am actually for. Again, it's Ultimate influenced, but as far back as the Stan Lee written stuff, the cops have been trying to arrest Spider-Man. The situation can be dire like that, as long as Peter still has a light at the end of that tunnel. I wrote about this earlier in my Spider-Man tribute post, that it's not about how dark things get around him, it's how he doesn't succumb to it. If the filmmakers had that in mind, then this storyline is sure to pay off well.

What I really like is that we see physical evidence of Peter being smart. In the other movies, it was really just implied that he was smart, what with the college and all. In this one though, we've got the webshooters he actually creates, and that cliche big chalkboard scene. This is indicative of his character, I hope, and assuages some fears I had from earlier trailers. Before, it looked like he was just a loser skateboarder, instead of a loser nerd. Now, from this we can see he's not the stereotypical pocket-protector nerd, but he's still got intelligence that actually helps him as he goes into superheroics.

Also, though this is more technical than story-oriented, the film is in 3D, but they filmed it in 3D, so we won't get the usual washed out colors you get with films that were post-translated into 3D. Compare: Cameron's Avatar to Shyamalan's The Last Airbender. So I don't expect any detriments caused by the 3D.

All in all, I am excited. This trailer did was it was supposed to do, and make me really want to see this movie. Of course, I must note that I've been fooled by a trailer before. Specifically, the one from Spider-Man 3. I'm sure if they made the same movie that trailer portrayed, it actually would've been good. So though I'm a bit cautious, most of what I feel for this movie right now is excited enthusiasm.

Antia Blake: Vampire Hunter: First Death #2

Now, as well all know, or should know, you can't trust a cover. Covers just want you to buy the comic, and promise absolutely nothing about what lies inside. Most of the time, you are disappointed. This time, I saw a comic with some awesome Marvel Zombies on the front, and what was inside was actually so much better.

Comic Review: Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter: First Death

Anita Blake is a book series by Laurell K. Hamilton. Being about a vampire hunter who hunts sexy sexy vampires, Marvel started making comic adaptations in 2006. Guilty Pleasures being first, then The First Death, a prequel. And it is TOTES. AWESOME.

So far, our sexy-cool protagonist, Anita, is both a Vampire Hunter and Necromancer, killing Vampires, mostly ones who break the law, and raising the dead for hire. She's recently been investigating a bunch of child murders. They find a vampire, named Sean, who confesses to some murders. Unfortunately, these aren't the child murders. He then tries to kill them.

After kicking vampire ass in the most efficient way possible, Anita goes with her cop friends to the Vampire's house, to kill them. After the cops mention that they need a warrant to do that, she says she doesn't need anything of the sort.

Oh man, she doesn't need a warrant to break into people's houses and kill them? That's what I want in my protagonist!

So she goes to the Vampire House with her vampire hunting friend, Manny. After shooting in the door, they find the vampires out for the night, so they stick crosses in all the coffins, like the vampires wouldn't notice them or something. When Manny smells blood, they check out the basement, and find a guy naked, chained to the ceiling, and bloody. No surprise, he's dead. The police show up, and that's where Anita leaves for her day job, raising zombies!

After getting some publicity from helping the cops with their vampire, it seems a whole lot more people want Anita bringing their dead back to life. Her first appointment turns out to be that serial killer she knows, Edward.

Yeah, he hunts vampires too, for a price. He says he might know where her vampires are, and that they should work together. She refuses, mostly because he's totally batshit.

After some good ol' fashioned corpse raising, Anita's about to go home, when Edward's back. He "apologizes" for pulling a gun on her before, so she takes that as enough reason to sit alone in a car with him. So daring, our protagonist. After talking for a bit, Edward threatens to torture the information he needs out of Anita or Manny. She tells him she needs to think it over, because he scares her. He tells her to contact him if there's another killing, she says there won't be.

Oooh, is this the start of a romance? I sure hope so, you know how I love stories about women falling in love with scary sociopaths named Edward. You know, not to question our ever-so-smart main character, but isn't constantly telling the sociopath that he scares you giving him the upper hand?

Anyway, the cops call her in when they find a dead vampire, who for some reason, was up at dawn. Then she goes through the long and pointle-- I mean, uh, detailed and interesting process of making sure he's dead.

Back at the police station, she overhears something that gives her a clue as to where those vampires went. Instead of taking this and doing some of her own investigation, she calls everyone's favorite homicidal maniac. She gives him information in exchange for something only slightly more specific than what she already knew. Good call, Anita.

So her and Manny break into another house, where some of the vampire's human pets start freaking out. Anita feels bad for-- Oh wait, no she doesn't, she's angry that they would act human.

Yeah, it's not like there's any reason to think about the situation if the "bad guys" treat you like a homicidal killer.

After being lead into the basement by the humans, my expectations were just completely shattered when Anita and Manny are ambushed by vampires. And then-- hoo boy!

Dude, this comic just got a whole lot better.

Wait, what about hunting now?

Oh, so the vampires let her go because they're dumbasses and want to "hunt" her. Predictably she kicks ass until one vampire takes her from behind.

I... what? What's the point of that panel? They wanted to make it perfectly clear that there's a gay vampire? To what end? Damn those evil gay vampires!

Now I really worried about Anita at this point. How would she get out of this mess? Like an angel from heaven, my question was answered when Edward shows up to save the day!

Anita gets Manny out of the house, and they proceed to torch it down. Edward and Anita have a touching moment.

After a quick trip to the hospital, Edward offers to let Anita go hunting with him out of state. Anita will have none of it though, because she's got other killings on her mind.

(Next issue she stares at vampire man-abs)

Oh Anita Blake, what can a man say about you? You fight vampires, raise the dead, and have such interesting romantic entanglements while doing so. There's really not much more I can say about this that pictures cannot.

Aww yeah.

This is the W Defender, and Happy April Fool's everyone!

PS: Bonus Image: