Like a phoenix, but a really pathetic one who looks like shit—okay wait no—like a lone cicada, I rise from my slumber to make a bunch of annoying noises because we're living in a weird time where trailers for Spider-Man and Barbie movies drop on the same day and at this point only the combination of those two things can make me feel more alive than dead. Listen, I didn't expect that this is how I would end up either.
ANYWAY
Now this is the good shit. For starters:
IT'S THE FUCKIN' SPOT HELL YEAH THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN ABOUT
Okay, yeah, sorry. I just, I love the Spot. He is all that is pure and good in this godforsaken world.
So what's new in this? We got Miles Spider-Manning it up in the neighborhood, which is great, A+, just what I need. The convention center of Spider-Mans is apparently set up by Miguel O'Hara, probably after the first film where the multiverse almost broke. As I've said before, I'm not a huge fan of a giant Spider-Team when they could all be in their own universes doing Spider-Stuff, but whatever. We got some Peter B. and animated footage of Mayday, his Spider-Baby who, in a truly irresponsible move, has webshooters.
Now, I could go over all the little details, like Miguel calling MCU Spider-Man a little nerd (HAHAHAHA) or Ben Reilly (my only other source of hope and joy) but instead let's take a look at the plot details we're finally getting.
Looks like Miles is going to be rejected from the Spider-Society, possibly because he's too young and/or attached to his home reality. The main conflict will probably be something to do with the Spot fucking up the multiverse, but in order to stop that Miles has to let someone (probably his dad) die. And this will make the Spider-Society fight him. I'm pumped! This is exactly the shit I want out of Spider-Man! If I have this right, Miles (and maybe Gwen) will be the only one willing to contradict the dogmatic ideals of a bunch of old Spider-Men, choosing to find his own solution and save everyone.
Sure, the ones set in their ways are also Spider-Mans, but in this case it just means Miles is the most Spider-Man of all. I'm more excited for this movie than I was last trailer, which is good because there ain't a lot else out there. EXCEPT FOR THIS
I, uh. What? Huh?
What's happening?
I have no idea what's going on here. That's good! Instead of some sort of Malibu, we start in Barbie Land (Shoulda been Barbie World) where everyone is either Barbie or Ken. Huh. But why? I guess every iteration of the Barbie doll is another person? I guess I prefer it when Barbie is an unstoppable polymath, but this concept has legs.
Judging from the way everything is, Barbie Land is a child's view of reality, given that Barbie and Ken haven't had a sex ed class yet. Is this a real place, or is this Lego Movie rules?
Oh god it might be Lego Movie rules.
Okay, fine, I don't have any insights here! This film is a black box! Where's Raquelle?? Is this a musical?? GIMME SOMETHING HERE!
Wow! Trailers and teasers galore! Okay, well, two of them. But two trailers highly relevant to me in particular have released in the same week, and I know my take is highly sought after, so here we go!
Second trailer for Across the Spider-Verse Part 1! (Geez that's a mouthful.) There's a bit to unpack there. What we knew from the first trailer was the involvement of Miguel O'Hara, Spider-Man 2099, as well as the return of Gwen Stacy, Spider-Woman. Miles still has the new suit, which is growing on me, and we got some new stuff character-wise from this trailer.
Another Spider-Woman is in the picture, this one being a variant of Jessica Drew, the mainline Spider-Woman right now. There's a lot of hubbub about the character design, and that she's noticeably pregnant, but that's a can o' worms I do not wanna get into.
Peter B. is back! And with a little baby carrier. Shortly after the trailer came out, the film team released concept art of his kid, who is a little baby Mayday. I was sort of hoping we'd get more of a timeskip for him, maybe with a teen Mayday. I just want Spider-Girl, guys. But baby Mayday is better than nothing.
Plotwise, this doesn't give us much, but we can glean something. Looks like Gwen and Miles find themselves in some sort of multiversal Spider-Folk convention center, which is disturbingly close to the comic Spider-Verse. (Which I hate.) I really hope they're not going all-in on that, because Morlun is stupid and I don't like that plot.
It's probably more complex than that, given that it seems Miguel and Jessica Drew will have a more antagonistic role. Perhaps what Miles and Gwen want to do to fix whatever's happening clashes with what the larger group of palette-swapped Spider-WhoGivesAShits so there's some conflict about that. From what we know now, I like the idea. Spider-Man is about defying the orders of authority, so Miles contradicting what he thinks is an immoral course of action is exactly what I like in my Spider-Men.
Truth be told, I was a lot less hype about this trailer than I expected to be. I have three theories for that.
1. This trailer just isn't exciting
2. I over-hyped myself earlier and am working on a hype deficit.
3. I am the hollow shell of a human being and at the pit of my heart lies an incinerator that burns up everything pure and joyful, emitting only a dark, acrid smoke that fills every wrinkle in my brain.
All of these are possible.
I just don't like how there's now a giant mass of anonymous Spider-Folk running around in the background of this trailer. The first movie had 5 (6 if you count the dead one) Spiders, which allowed time for each to be a unique take, with distinct personalities, artstyles, and quirks. Hell, it gave Spider-Ham a dramatic moment.
With the new one, however, you got a ton of Spiders back there. And I can bet that some character designer spent months on all these background characters, but in the end that don't matter because they're like background noise. It's like the Conservation of Ninjutsu principle, one ninja is an unstoppable badass, but a giant mass of ninjas is an easily defeated goon squad. It's the problem you always run into when you introduce an infinite multiverse. Individuals cease to matter when there's a million slightly-different copies of that same person running around. The variety in Spider-People was what made Into the Spider-Verse so good, but I feel like when you make a faceless mass of Spider-Men, you lose something.
It's always possible I'm overreacting (re: the black incinerator in my heart) but I've been hurt before. We'll see.
Now I haven't actually brought up the Barbie movie here yet, that's been confined mostly to twitter as paparazzi shots of shooting days were put out there. Now there is no way I'm not watching the Barbie movie. At some point my brain broke in a very specific way, and now Barbie movies are my coping mechanism.
The Main Question running through my mind has been: WHAT IS THIS MOVIE ABOUT??
There are so many ways to take a Barbie movie, a lot of them probably bad. I need to know. This movie's being directed by Greta Gerwig, who previously wrote and directed Lady Bird, which won a bunch of awards I'm too lazy to look up. You don't get that kind of talent on a toy movie. Except, I guess, now.
Unfortunately this teaser doesn't give us much to work with to determine the movie's plot. Yeah there's a cool 2001: A Space Odyssey reference, but for all I know that was made specifically for the teaser and will have nothing to do with the final film.
I would like this movie best if Barbie is portrayed like in Life in the Dreamhouse. Where all the Barbie dolls are canon, she lives a gifted life in a doll Malibu, and she's not meant to be like a real life human person. Given the acknowledgement that she is a doll and the hyperstylized shots we see of what is assumedly Malibu, this film might be on that track.
What I really wouldn't like, but is very likely, is if this follows the standard plot structure of your basic Hollywood film. Barbie shouldn't have a character arc. What does she have to learn? There's a very real risk that this film will have the theme of "Barbie is unrealistic" which would be a damn shame considering just how much there is to work with regarding this property.
Given that this is just a teaser, there's a lot that's still open. Really we'll just have to wait for a proper trailer before predictions can really begin, but god damn if I'm not seeing this on opening day.
I'm fuckin' jazzed, folks. Yeah, we knew it was gonna happen but seeing actual footage makes it more real, more than even just believing in it really hard would do. Wait, what am I talking about? The new Spider-Verse trailer, you nimrod. Geez, it's almost like you don't obsessively follow every Spider-Man related development with a desperate sad passion unfit for a human being of your age.
Well anyway this is that.
Not a whole lot there, but there's some! The designs for Miles and Gwen have changed somewhat, in-costume and out. They definitely look older, both with longer hair, and Gwen still has the undercut she had in most of Spider-Verse 1. I like the hair! Then there's costume design, where Gwen hasn't seen much of an overhaul, the most noticeable difference being her gloves now have the webbing pattern whereas before they were pure white. Miles has a pretty substantial change, with the red shoulders gone in lieu of a red band going down each his sides, going up the interior of his arms and outside his legs, each connecting the with little red patches on his hands and feet. The spider insignia looks a little cleaned up, but still appears to be spraypainted on, which I like.
One big hope for this movie is that they add Mayday Parker, Spider-Girl from the MC2 Universe that was running for a while. It would fit with Peter B's whole kids dilemma leading to his estrangement from Mary Jane, but seeing as how he figured out he wanted kids and ostensibly got back together with MJ in the end, he could very likely have had a daughter who inherited spider powers. It's either her or Spiderling from Renew Your Vows, the miniseries about what if MJ and Peter had a different kid and they all fought crime, which I now realize I haven't read for some reason.
And, before I forget, SPIDER-MAN 2099!! MIGUEL O'HARA IS IN THE HOOOUUUUSE!
I'm real happy they kept him in after the little cameo in the stinger of Spider-Verse 1, I love 2099 Nueva York, I love the costume, and I love the way the swear word of the future is the word "shock". I love Into the Spider-Verse with every ounce of my empty withered heart, and this being a definite two-part sequel, I have enough reason not to lose my mind eating pizza for a while.
Coincidentally, I just finished Miles Morales for the PS4 (I am biding my time for the Spider-Man PS5 to come out I know it will I just have to be patient) and, listen, sometimes I just gotta quarantine my Spider-Man thoughts into one post so the rest of them can be taken up with existential crises involving pizza.
Anyway, good game! Short, but that was pretty much the deal going in. I platinum'd it in a fraction of the time Spider-Man 1 took me, but more Spider-Man content is all I need to keep going. I'm glad I didn't purchase a PS5 to play this, considering how much effort it would take to get one and that I only really want Demon's Souls otherwise. I don't need no ray-tracing! I'll take my huffing, chugging PS4 that forgets to load textures on a cat.
Playing through really made me think about what I want from Spider-Man 2, and I can't bring myself to make a whole article for a stupid list and I want it out of my head.
1. Suit loadouts
I want to be able to assign a suite of mods to a suit, ideally 2 or 3 loadouts. I figure most people already switch out all their suit mods when they switch from stealth to combat, or if they're fighting street thugs vs. tech enemies. All this would just make it quicker and easier. I'm surprised they didn't add this in Miles Morales, but they have another chance with the next game.
2. Co-op
I don't care if it's local or network co-op, I just want to play with a friend who is also Spider-Man and we both swing and fight crime and have a dang ol' time.
3. Less Tokens
In Spider-Man 1, there was like 6 different tokens you could collect by doing stuff around the city, and remembering what upgrade needed what token and where to get them became a chore. Miles Morales had 2, which maybe was too few. I think 3 or 4 would be a good amount so you're not overburdened with either a single type of token or scrambling trying to find the one type you're missing to make webs better.
4. Less Cops
In Miles Morales, all your crime data came from the Friendly Neighborhood app, so users reported a crime which you would then fight. I like this a lot more than Spider-Man 1 where Spider-Man fixed police surveillance towers, and also sorta hacked them, and that's where you got crime reports. Spider-Man is best if he has an at-best ambivalent relationship with the police, where they pretty much think he's a criminal as well. They shouldn't be too cozy.
5. Big Wheel
I love this stupid villain. He's no frills, he rides around in a giant wheel with arms and calls himself "Big Wheel". I want a big setpiece chase through Manhattan trying to stop a ferris wheel from blowing up a bank or something. Either him or The Spot.
6. Bring back the old face
Worth a try.
7. Spider-Signal
You know the drill. Please, do it for me. You guys know it exists! I saw it! LET ME SHINE A STUPID LIGHT ON PEOPLE FROM A ROOFTOP! PLEASE I AM AT YOUR MERCY!
I hear the calls, the pleas, for people to know what their most obscure Spider-Man obsessed weirdo thinks of these new Spider-Man properties on the horizon. Worry not, for I have come to answer the call. Let's see what this shit's about.
We're gonna start off with the thing I am less likely to hate entirely, and that's the recently announced sequel to the PS4's Marvel's Spider-Man, called Marvel's Spider-Man 2.
Seeing as how I really liked the first game, I have high hopes for this one. I haven't played Miles Morales yet because the PS4 version seems to be not-great in terms of performance, and I'm not buying a PS5 until they make a Spider-Man version that bundles with the new game. No Elden Ring for me until 2023.
For obvious impressions, looks like we'll get Kraven and Venom as villains in this game, which in most other media I would find to be too much, but the first game balanced a lot of villains at once and did a real good job, so I'm not worried. Kraven as a big bad would be cool, but he might just be a first act villain to be replaced by... Venom? Doc Ock wasn't in the trailers too much, so there's likely a lot of surprises ahead.
Now, who's gonna be Venom? The post-credits sequence of the first game hinted the symbiote was being used to cure Harry Osborn of whatever disease he had, so he might be a likely candidate. They could introduce Eddie Brock, flesh him out as a normal guy before the symbiote gets all gooey on him. It's pretty much a sure thing that Peter will get it first, because that's the kind of blatant fanservice the first game was so good at.
On a more speculative note, how's Miles Morales going to factor in here? In the middle of the trailer it looks like Peter and Miles are performing a takedown together. Could this mean co-op? It could just mean Miles is an AI-controller partner, like your Last of Us or something, but co-op is my dream. Two Spider-Mans, working together! That would be so rad. Normally I'd be a bit mad at the 4 robot legs Spider-Man sports during a couple clips in the trailer, seeing as how they're either a Superior thing or a MCU thing, but there was already a suit in the original game that gave you robot legs for a short time, so I can't be too mad.
At any rate, glad we're finally getting something about it, and hopefully we're all still alive by 2023.
On a more recent note, (And I mean really recent)
Venom 2! I had some problems with the first one, but over time I've come to appreciate it a bit more. At least they didn't make the symbiote some symbol for inner darkness, instead it's just a shitty asshole in the form of goo who calls Eddie a loser. You take what you can get.
Carnage has been a sore spot for me since they announced that Woody Harrelson would be Cletus Kasady. For reasons I do not have time to explain, I hate Woody Harrelson. For reasons I have just enough time to explain, he's not great for Carnage. Cletus is supposed to be a young, wiry guy, full of twitchy psychopath energy. Harrelson is old. I honestly think Robert Pattinson would have been a better choice, but unfortunately for all of us, he's Batman.
I was wondering how they would give Kasady a symbiote, since it's not like Cletus and Eddie would be sharing a jail cell, and it looks like they just had him fuckin' bite Eddie. It's pretty a pretty crazy thing for a crazy man to do, but... does it make any sense? I might be asking the wrong questions.
I like how even though Venom is clearly the symbiote wrapping around Eddie and making him all buff and big, Carnage looks to be made entirely of goo, so much so that he can just open a hole in his chest. Hopefully when the fight starts it's a little less confusing than two very similarly colored lumps of goo smashing into one another.
There's a couple shots of Shriek in the trailer, probably in the same prison as Carnage. In the comics they had a relationship, and it seems pretty likely here too. I'm anticipating what they'll do with that whole thing. Since the first Venom wasn't so bad in the end, I'm not dreading this. Whether or not I'll see it in a reasonable timeframe is a different matter.
Now for the bad one.
Maaaaaaan.
Listen, I am willing to admit this is just me. I'm the malcontent here. But MCU Spider-Man. I don't like him. The last two movies have been him fighting Iron Man villains, either trying to impress Iron Dad or following the orders of Grandpa Fury. Hell, in Far From Home it seemed like he didn't even want to be Spider-Man. And don't get me started on the glasses!
The point is: MCU Spider-Man and I don't get along. And I wasn't too enthused by the reveal of yet another new suit before the trailer even dropped. So, in the context of my regard for the previous two films I want to say:
This doesn't look as bad.
Sheesh, at least this is Peter doing a thing on his own that he just wants to do, even if it's not crime-fighting. It really seems like he doesn't want to fight crime. But! Dr. Strange is more like your free-wheeling uncle who takes you to the old record shop and lets you have ice cream for dinner, instead of someone telling Peter what to do yet again. That doesn't utterly offend my sensibilities.
By now everyone's heard the rumors about this film featuring the two previous Live Action Spider-Man iterations, and every day that seems more likely. Especially considering Alfred Molina's back. I know a lot of people are real hyped for this, but once again I'm the needless contrarian. I want to make this clear, I loved Spider-Verse. It was phenomenal, the best Spider-Man movie ever made. So the last thing I want is a watered-down Disney bullshit take on it, where nobody on the production gets Spider-Man the way I do. Into The Spider-Verse got it.
I don't care to speculate too much on what form this multiverse is going to take. Maybe they'll just mash up all the previous universes by the end so we get Electro and Doc Ock in the MCU. It would be fitting if Spider-Man's new villains aren't even his again, they're just the villains of alternate-universe Spider-Men. I would like to see Andrew Garfield again, since he's my favorite. But overall I'm just not that excited. In any case, I don't know what the release situation is gonna be for this, theaters? Streaming? Both? It looks like they're aiming for a theatrical release, but as I think we've all seen the deadly virus propagating through the countryside doesn't really care what movie studios want. Ah well. I'll see it eventually.
This is weird. It's an unprecedented oddity that a company previewed a product, everyone hated what they saw, and not only did the company decide to redo the thing that everybody hates, but they pushed back the release date to make it more fair for the artists involved and as the final kicker, it actually looks like an improvement over the original product.
Has that happened before? It's sort of been a thing with video games, but that's after a product has already released and they patch it for people who have bought it. But this is a movie! It's at most a solid 2 hours of images on a screen that nobody's actually seen yet.
Let's be honest, usually the internet adding input to any creative endeavor is a recipe for disaster. Remember Boaty McBoatface? Remember that 4chan exists? So, to put it lightly, I'm flabbergasted.
I mean, hell. He looks like Sonic now. Like, actually Sonic. They got the guy who made the best Sonic cartoon ever made to do it.
Honored to have been brought in to lead the design on the new Movie Sonic. Working with Jeff and the modelers, riggers, texture/fur artists and animators in LA, London, and Vancouver was a thrill I'll never forget. #SonicMoviepic.twitter.com/HhcVIxAhXB
I didn't see that coming. Especially after Monster Sonic. Can we talk about Monster Sonic for a minute?
As you're all doubtless aware of, I have to watch bad movies. There's something insidious in my brain that makes me do it. I was fucking on board to watch this blue abomination traipse across the screen while sounding like Rutabaga Rabitowitz. Hell, I turned up to watch Sherlock Gnomes on opening day, this would be nothing.
So now I'm a bit torn. Actors have said there weren't any reshoots involved, meaning the only thing that has changed is the design of Sonic himself. All the writing, all the voice acting and human actors are remaining the same. So really, my opinion shouldn't change that much from the initial trailer. I'm not expecting Spider-Verse over here. They altered the feel of the trailer somewhat from the first draft, and I'm not completely on board. Gangster's Paradise was an unexpected choice, to say the least, but it was distinct. This time they used Blitzkrieg Bop. The most overused track in existence. Oh wait! They added more high-hat at the end and slapped in some video game noises! Totally different now.
Let's be honest with ourselves. Any Sonic fan that still exists is used to a lot of shit. Name a Sonic game (apart from Mania) that's overall actually good in the last ten years. Okay, nix Generations as well. There ain't much there. So if the movie's pretty bad (which I am still expecting) then it's pretty par for the course for Sonic. I expect to enjoy Jim Carrey as I always do, but like, the rest of it doesn't seem like it's gonna have a high grade of quality here. It looks like a movie from the 90's, like Masters of the Universe. The old trope where a popular character's movie has them leave their own world and enter THE REAL WOOOORLD. It's been played out over a decade ago, but then again everything good about Sonic was left in that era. Regardless of how it turns out, I'm still going to see it because it releases on Valentine's Day and I need something to distract me from the monstrous gaping void of loneliness that threatens to engulf my very essence.
Aah... With Spider-Verse out and winning awards, everything's looking up for your favorite Spider-Man fan! Nothing going south here, it's all sunshine and daisies, right?
WRONG.
FUCK.
Now I'm not trying to be a Negative Nancy over here, but I'm just saying that from this trailer and what Spider-Verse did to my expectations it looks like this movie is going to be a giant steaming pile of shit.
Okay, so I'm a Negative Nancy.
Just, try to see it my way. The very first thing in the teaser is yet another "Aunt May is Hot" joke. I bet you thought they milked that dry in Homecoming, didn't you? WELL YOU'RE STUPID OF COURSE THEY DIDN'T. Oh there's no Iron Man, so he won't spend the whole movie just following orders then? No! Nick Fury is here now to tell Spider-Man what to do! Great! I love it when the character about responsibility is just a lackey to a more well-established leader! Wait no I hate that.
IF-IF YOU NEED SOMEONE TO TELL SPIDER-MAN TO FIGHT CRIME IN A SPIDER-MAN MOVIE
WHA–IT'S BAD
REDO THE MOVIE–THROW IT OUT–REDO THE FUCKING MOVIE
Oh and I guess Mysterio is there, probably going to be a fake hero for half the movie then a STUNNING TWIST where he turns out to be evil. Good. Also it's looking like this move's Slotting it up with a new suit for Spider-Man, undoubtedly produced by Nick Fury so he can put it on and follow orders.
You know, this trailer does remind me of something that bothered me during Spider-Man: Homecoming. What is the deal with Flash Thompson in that film? In most adaptations, Flash is a stereotypical jock-bully. He preys on Peter because Peter's a nerd, it's nothing against Parker specifically. But in Homecoming, he's just another mathlete like the rest of Peter's friends, but Flash just hates him for no reason. And everyone's okay with that! It's not even like they're both smart but run in different social circles, they have the same group of friends. Does everyone hate Peter? Why? Flash gets called out more in media where he's a jock than in Homecoming. Hell, in Amazing Spider-Man, he has more character despite much less screentime!
Of course now they're doing the Flash as Spider-Man Fan angle, which makes no sense when you consider that Spider-Man stole and totaled his car in Homecoming. It just feels like a checklist, where they change up characters so it seems fresh, but they gotta hit the same bullet-points despite how it contradicts how the revamped characters are set up.
Honestly I'm not even that mad. Now that Spider-Verse exists and has won awards, it's fine that Marvel's productions don't suit me. It's more like comics, where there's more than one line running for a character, so you can just read the one you like. That's what made the Slott years so unbearable, there was just no alternative. As long as Spider-Verse gets a sequel of comparable quality, Marvel can make as much shit as they want. I do like to bitch about Spider-Man though, so I'll see it eventually.
I, uh. Hm. I'm not really sure what to say about it. I'm thinking my thinly-veiling pessimism from the last trailer was appropriate.
Firstly, looks like the Agent Venom rumors were wrong, which I'm relieved about, but what's the deal with Tom Hardy's voice? Why does he have to put on some weird accent for each movie he's in? Is it even an accent, or just an odd inflection on random syllables? But I can't just blame Hardy, these lines are terrible.
"The guy you work for is the evil person."
Who... who wrote that? Speaking of voices, why in god's name did they give the symbiote a voice? And not just any voice, but the most cliche evil voice anyone has ever used. Why is it just evil right out of the gate? Typically, the symbiote is a character in-itself, but it doesn't need to actually talk to anyone to do that. They're just going with the laziest thing possible, and making the symbiote as close to a devil on his shoulder as they can get.
Unsurprisingly, doesn't look like Spider-Man is involved. Just looks like Eddie Brock stumbled on a secret company program and got the symbiote, which then makes him be evil. Is he even going to have an active role in this movie? Looks like they're going with the rote superhero story where Bad Guy is made the same time Good Guy is, Good Guy fights Bad Guy minions for most of it, and at the end Good beats Bad, the end. You'd think with an antihero as the lead, they might mix it up a bit, but from this it looks like the villains are unambiguously bad, so whatever Brock does is good.
I guess the suit looks... okay? I'm not sure I like the slimy texture of it, but I don't know what else I could expect. The eyes look too small for me. I always thought they looked better when they were bigger, more jagged, and more expressive. Since Spider-Man probably isn't a part of this, Venom looks sorta like him just because. They could have done worse, but I'm not blown away.
The only thing we can't get from this trailer is details on the villain. Obviously it's going to be the "evil person," Carlton Drake, as we were so charitably told, but the real question is: How is he going to have a big fight at the end. My guess is he's going to either alter the symbiote or find a new one and become Carnage. That seems the most predictable route, so there we go.
Gotta say guys, this is inching ever closer to Amazing Spider-Man 2 territory. But then again, after The Emoji Movie, did anyone expect Sony Pictures to produce something good? There's still a chance I won't hate it, but you won't catch me holding my breath.
Did you guys know there's a Venom movie coming out? It hasn't really become reality to me yet, everything I've been hearing about it sounds like rumors from a soon-to-be-cancelled project. But I guess it is actually happening, 'cause we got this teaser trailer.
In contrast to the other Sony Spider-Man film being made, Into the Spider-Verse, I'm not super excited about this one.
It just seems weird to me to have a Venom standalone movie without him being introduced with Spider-Man. Is Spider-Man gonna be in it? If not, why does he have a big spider on his chest? I'm almost afraid they would just get rid of that, but more than likely they'll just make up some bullshit reason.
From the looks of things, the film may have Eddie Brock's cancer as a prevalent story element, which was made a part of his history well after he was introduced in the comics. There's a lot of shots of hospitals and stuff, including an MRI, but then again, it could be he's subject to some kind of experiment involving the symbiote.
Speaking of the symbiote, the teaser shows what looks like a crashed spaceship, and afterwards a shot with a bunch of scientists with a tube of goo, so it doesn't look like they'll do the space shuttle thing from the 90's Spider-Man animated series.
I just don't know about Tom Hardy playing Eddie Brock. He was good in Mad Max, but Bane left a bad taste in my mouth I can never wash away. If this is meant to tie in with current Homecoming Spider-Man, the age difference between them would be really weird. Brock is supposed to be a contemporary of Peter Parker, which ties in with the whole evil double thing he's got going on.
It may be even more odd if the rumors currently circulating are true, and that this is less a retelling of the classic Eddie Brock Venom and more like Agent Venom, the newer iteration with Flash Thompson. I'm wary of that, since Agent Venom only worked because it had two characters' histories to work from, both Flash and the symbiote's. If Eddie Brock in this film has no connection to Spider-Man or Peter Parker, is he even really Venom?
It can't be judged too harshly based on a single teaser trailer, but I'm gonna dial down my cautious optimism to thinly veiled pessimism. There's no way I'm not gonna see a Venom movie when it first comes out, but at this point I'm expecting less Amazing Spider-Man, and more Amazing Spider-Man 2.
It's that time again! And by that time, I mean a new trailer for a Spider-Man movie has come out, so I know you're all looking to me to tell you what to think about it. Well, here it is:
First of all, it looks great, just visually. It's got a sort of stop-motion feel to the CG, like the Lego Movie, which worked really well there and might just as well for this considering it's more comic-oriented art style. I like the colors and the motion blur on stuff like the subway train. So no complaints there.
Storywise, it's pretty obviously got Miles Morales as Spider-Man this time, and his story might be a direct adaptation of Ultimate Comics Spider-Man, seeing as how he walks up to a grave that's probably Peter Parker's.
He can't have been Spider-Man for too long, because his suit looks like he just made it, what with the kinda slipshod spray paint spiders on it.
He's chasing someone who appears to be the Prowler in one shot, so it being a mostly unchanged Ultimate Miles Morales makes sense.
But now the baseless speculation. At the end, he's talking to someone in the subway, and says, "Wait, how many of us are there?" I'm gonna make a guess here and say that's Peter Parker from an alternate universe, like Spider-Men. Given that the title is the same as the universe-crossing Spider-Man story, it's possible they're combining Spider-Men and Spider-Verse into one movie, where first Miles meets the regular alternate Peter Parker, but eventually it leads into some universe hopping adventure.
When it shows the title, you see flashes of different spider symbols, like one where it's a heart with legs coming out of it, or the traditional logo, before getting to Miles' spray paint spider.
If it turns out the film's going that route, I would honestly be surprised. In a comic this would make sense, because comics always have that alternate universe shit, but in a film it's a lot less prevalent, and probably a little risky. That might be because Sony Pictures is making this one, instead of Marvel like Homecoming. At any rate, I'd love to see more standalone films like this, like say, perhaps a Spider-Man 2099 film? I can dream.
Welp. That's it. I quit. This happened. Spider-Man. Gets. A sidekick.
I cannot believe they are doing this. This is such a fundamental mistake, it never even occurred to me that they may make it. I thought they might give him a new costume or something. I thought you couldn't make a worse mistake than Spider-Men. And yet, here we are. Sidekick. I don't know where to start with this.
Spider-Man is not a hero to have a sidekick. He's not the hero that pals around with a kid, making that kid get in the path of bullets. Having a sidekick means willingly putting someone else into a dangerous situation that usually only you would have to deal with. Spider-Man would feel obligated to making sure said kid didn't get hurt during any of the fights or danger, and that would be a hamper to Spider-Man's effectiveness. If the kid definitely won't get hurt, why does he need Spider-Man? The Spider-Man I know wouldn't say, "Oh kid, you got superpowers? Well, time to put on some tights and get shot at!" He knows, himself, how shitty being a superhero is. He wouldn't wish it upon someone else. Yeah, it has its perks, but it ruins his civilian life immensely. If someone is intent upon becoming a vigilante, he's not going to tell them no, but he won't start a long working relationship with them. The minute Spider-Man gets a sidekick is the minute he becomes a father.
See, this is the worst part, it negates the only good part of Brand New Day! I'm not saying it was good, but at the very least it allowed him to start fresh and maybe seem a little younger. This ages him more than anything else could! He's now tethered to this kid like a ball and chain! A sidekick works for Batman because Batman is dark and gritty, so a little innocent kid around helps him see past that and embrace the warmer parts of his character, and the whole fatherhood angle fits in well with the way he protects Gotham City. Plus, Batman trains them like hell to be like him. Spider-Man is meant to be freelance. Look at Spider-Girl. The only reason he lets his daughter go out in spandex and fight crime is because he has no leg, so he can't.
I can understand making a new hero, but don't tie him inextricably with Spider-Man. Spider-Man wasn't about learning lessons because people told you. Spider-Man was about learning the lessons that couldn't be told by making mistakes, and improving, and trying harder each time to do the right thing. He didn't ask adults for help. In fact, most adults were actively trying to stop him or just didn't understand what he was doing. For Spider-Man to then turn around and start giving lessons to some kid who got superpowers is contrary to the point of Spider-Man.
This is why I didn't like the new Ultimate Spider-Man comic or cartoon. In it, Nick Fury is explicitly telling Spider-Man what to do, how to do it, and just giving him school lessons on how to be a superhero. Spider-Man is just handed things and and a lesson plan and he screws up a bit before finally he wins the lesson and Fury is happy with him. This is terrible, because it takes away the freedom of Spider-Man. It takes away his individualism, which is a fundamental part of the character. He made the suit himself, he made the webshooters himself, he fights by himself, he makes mistakes by himself. Spider-Man was never about him being taught how to do everything right. It was about Peter Parker learning how to do things the right way by screwing them up.
I can only hope this is just another character that they will happen to introduce in Spider-Man. It's happened before. If they have a little team-up like Spider-Man is wont to do, then I'll be fine with it. But if this is permanent, this may be even worse than One More Day.
EDIT: I just remembered, Stan Lee made Spider-Man originally as a counter to sidekicks of the day! In any other comic book, a kid that age would have been a sidekick to an older hero, but Stan Lee hated that idea, and so made Spider-Man with that in mind. This is a spit in the face of the original concept.
There's been a lot of buzz lately over the possibility of Spider-Man in the next Avengers film. As far as I can tell, everyone is excited and hopeful that he'll be in the next one, but I have a different opinion. Spider-Man shouldn't be in Avengers 2, or whatever they call it, for anything more than maybe a tiny cameo.
First of all, let's look at the comics themselves. Spider-Man was not a founding member of the Avengers. Of course, Ant-Man and Wasp were also founding members, but they aren't popular enough to have movies. He doesn't fit naturally with the Avengers, at least not the ones portrayed in the movie. All of Spider-Man's possible roles are already taken. Iron Man is snarky, Iron Man knows technology, and Bruce Banner knows science. Not to mention both Stark and Banner are experts in their fields while Peter Parker is a high school student. Spider-Man would be relegated to either making the jokes rejected from Iron Man, or yelling "My Spider-sense is tingling!" every time something bad happens. In combat, he can't do much more than Captain America, just with more webs.
"But Spider-Man is in the Avengers now!" You say, correctly. But look at the Avengers now. No Bruce Banner, first of all. Spider-Man's whole science thing has gotten more proficient as of late, so he's actually valuable in that sense. Second, the time when he really fit was around Dark Reign. In that, Captain America was dead and replaced by Bucky, who dressed in black and carried a gun. Hawkeye was instead Ronin, and most of the team had no compunction against killing Norman Osborn. Spider-Man was the heart and soul of the team who reminded them that they were the good guys. Look, however, at the movie universe. You have Captain America, the paragon of good, and Iron Man, having reformed as a weapon's maker, is almost as spotless in his record now. There's no dark and gritty there for Spider-Man to counteract. He's just another justice loving guy among too many.
Also, there's the omnipresent issue of movie rights being split between Marvel and Sony. No way Sony is going to completely let go of the Spider-Man movie license, but I'm sure they want a piece of that Avengers money, so they'd be willing to broker a deal. However, any such deal would be bound to come with a lot of stipulations. Either a minimum screentime or minimum number of lines, that would certainly mess with the writers, especially Joss Whedon, who tends to get all flustered by meddling. Second, there's no good way to introduce him into the series. Either he jumps in with little explanation just to be there, or they waste Avengers time making shit about him. All the films before the Avengers were written to make Avengers possible. Spider-Man is written just about Spider-Man, without the interconnectedness the other films share. Including Spider-Man would bring up far too many plot holes if he isn't part of the Marvel Movie Universe from the start. Where was he when Abomination destroyed Harlem? Was he just hiding when aliens tried to invade? So much revolves around New York in Marvel, and you can't shoehorn these events in at the last second.
Spider-Man, as his movie is made now, should not be in the Avengers, as they are now. He just doesn't fit in, character-wise or plot-wise. If a lot were to change I would be warmer to the idea, but at this point I'm against it. Now all it would bring is a pointless cash-in that cheapens both the Avengers and Spider-Man.
Holy shit guys I just saw the newest Amazing Spider-Man trailer.
It looks amazing. And I mean that sincerely. Let's look at it play-by-play.
0:22-0:24; Yes, that is a mechanical webshooter. YES A MECHANICAL WEBSHOOTER!! Things are looking up already.
0:33-0:40; This is probably the brightest spot in the trailer for me. He quips! He actually quips! I mean, there's no evidence that he keeps this up for the rest of the movie, but dammit, I want to believe! That's the only way to keep this movie from being too Grimdark.
After that, we get general clips of his parents and something hidden from him, which looks to me to be Ultimate influenced. Honestly, I'm all for that, as long as it doesn't bog the movie down too much and it's still about Peter. You can see Curt Conners and his transformation into the Lizard, from what looks like Peter's contribution to the formula. This will really help the "Responsibility" theme that's sure to be present, since Peter actually will be, in a sense, responsible.
Then we cut to scenes of cops trying to take down Spider-Man. This, although it might seem like too dark a turn, I am actually for. Again, it's Ultimate influenced, but as far back as the Stan Lee written stuff, the cops have been trying to arrest Spider-Man. The situation can be dire like that, as long as Peter still has a light at the end of that tunnel. I wrote about this earlier in my Spider-Man tribute post, that it's not about how dark things get around him, it's how he doesn't succumb to it. If the filmmakers had that in mind, then this storyline is sure to pay off well.
What I really like is that we see physical evidence of Peter being smart. In the other movies, it was really just implied that he was smart, what with the college and all. In this one though, we've got the webshooters he actually creates, and that cliche big chalkboard scene. This is indicative of his character, I hope, and assuages some fears I had from earlier trailers. Before, it looked like he was just a loser skateboarder, instead of a loser nerd. Now, from this we can see he's not the stereotypical pocket-protector nerd, but he's still got intelligence that actually helps him as he goes into superheroics.
Also, though this is more technical than story-oriented, the film is in 3D, but they filmed it in 3D, so we won't get the usual washed out colors you get with films that were post-translated into 3D. Compare: Cameron's Avatar to Shyamalan's The Last Airbender. So I don't expect any detriments caused by the 3D.
All in all, I am excited. This trailer did was it was supposed to do, and make me really want to see this movie. Of course, I must note that I've been fooled by a trailer before. Specifically, the one from Spider-Man 3. I'm sure if they made the same movie that trailer portrayed, it actually would've been good. So though I'm a bit cautious, most of what I feel for this movie right now is excited enthusiasm.
Yeah! The final dimension! Awesome! It's probably Spider-Carnage! Or Zombie Spider-Man! Or--
Aw, dammit.
Yeah, the final dimension in Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions is Ultimate Spider-Man. Only there's a twist, he's wearing the Venom Symbiote. For those who don't know, Ultimate Spider-Man was a separate comic line, remaking Spider-Man's origins in a new universe without the bounds of all those years of continuity. Apart from that, it's more or less the same as Amazing Spider-Man. I mean, he doesn't have any new powers, he's just a teenager, which is why I suspect they added the symbiote.
Thing is with the symbiote, in Ultimate continuity, the Venom Symbiote turns whoever wears it into a monster who eats people. Spider-Man wore it on only two occasions, the first of which was very short, and the second of which was ended prematurely when the Ultimates came to kick his ass because he was eating people. Point is, they had better have a very good reason why he's wearing the suit and why he's not devouring civilians.
In a way, I feel like this is a cop-out. The other two dimensions were things never seen in a Spider-Man game before. Noir, with it's 30's style and stealth-based gameplay, and 2099, with it's incredibly tall buildings you can actually jump off of, are completely new to video games. There's already been an Ultimate Spider-Man game, where you could play as both Spider-Man and Venom. Spider-Man was the same as ever, and Venom was a giant brute who attacked with symbiote tendrils and ate people. Any area not covered there I'm sure has been done in Web of Shadows, where there were two suits to use, and the black suit was primarily concerned with killing everything with giant tentacles and other more brutal stuff.
The point I'm trying to make is that I've done this all before as far as Ultimate is concerned. I've swung through the cel-shaded streets, I've killed stuff with black tentacles of death. I was expecting something really left-field or obscure for the last dimension, since they kept it under wraps for so long. Something like Spider-Carnage or Zombie Spider-Man. I suppose it's better than Amazing Spider-Man with a symbiote suit. I'll have to see how further previews go before I'm able to make another judgement.
Hey everybody. Finally got my Protomen CD, so the review is upcoming. This post, however, is about something completely different. Namely: Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions.
Oh yeah. If you didn't know, what's Spider-Man Noir there, from the Marvel Noir universe, where it's depression era, and gangsters are gunning people down, then there's Spider-Man there, looking all awesome. Now, it looks like it's going to be a sort of sequel from the guys who made Web of Shadows. And that excites me, because 1. I am a Spider-Man fanboy. and 2. There were only a few things keeping Web of Shadows from being a truly awesome game.
Now, what kept WoS down? A big part was the repetition. At times they expected you to do the same exact fighting move many many times in a row. Sure, you had the black suit, but that only gave so much. Shattered Dimensions, on the other hand, looks like it will have much more variation. It looks like in the Noir parts, there's actually a stealth aspect, which one wouldn't usually expect from a Spider-Man game. But that bit of something new is exactly what Web of Shadows needed.
The second thing that left a bad taste in my mouth about WoS was the mission system, in that all you ever did was what people told you to do, which usually was along the lines of "Kill six snow moose" or something. Point is, the missions were boring. Hopefully this one will have a little more variation in that field as well. Oh, and did I mention the voice acting? Spider-Man's was terrible, he sounded like more of a girl than a man. They remedied that, at least for Noir, by making Spider-Man's voice actor sound like Crispin Freeman! Otherwise known as the VC of Seigfreid from Soul Calibur 3, and Electro in Spectacular Spider-Man. Oh yeah.
From what I can see in the trailer, they took Mainstream Spider-Man out of the big city, which might be a bit jarring, but since that's the only place Noir will ever be, it could work.
So right now there's Mainstream Spider-Man and Spider-Man Noir. There's two left, and since they really threw a curve ball by having Noir in a game, it could be anything. I'm willing to bet Spider-Man 2099 will be one of the other two, and with the last one, maybe Spider-Girl? Or Ben Reilly? Also, considering it's called Shattered Dimensions, I imagine there'll be some sort of crossover in there at some point. If there's good writing, I'd actually like to see Spidey's reaction to seeing his Depression-era self.
Anyway, I am super-excited for this game, mostly because it looks like a Web of Shadows with a lot more to it, so I won't get bored doing others' dirty work. I'll undoubtedly post an update about it when the next trailer comes out. So until next time, The Spider waits...
